MAKING MY PEACE … with clothes as a litmus test for exhaustion
“When style disappears, it doesn’t mean freedom. It means something inside has shut down. Neglecting your appearance isn’t about clothes. It’s the last phase of a deeper crisis – the litmus test that something in you has stopped reaching for life … the silent message it carries is: I don’t matter anymore.”
These are the thoughts of style coach Diana Goss in one of her regular subscription emails. Goss was referring to people as they age and become less interested in life and therefore their clothes might reflect their lack of motivation and exhaustion.
These words are powerful because they remind me that clothes are rarely just about fashion or vanity. More often, they reflect how connected we feel to ourselves, our vitality, and sense of being seen in the world, in different phases of our lives.
I thought about Goss’s words in terms of people in general, not only as we age and become “less seen.”
People use clothing to signal an event, activity, or belonging to a club or workplace, such as gym gear, clothes for special outings, or uniforms. What we wear might also be an emotional indicator, reflecting our psychological state and our energy levels, such as dignity, joy, and grief, for example.
When someone is thriving, their clothing often reflects colour, energy, and intentionality. When someone is temporarily struggling, such as through burnout, depression, grief, or trauma, clothes may become neglected, mismatched, or chosen with indifference. For some people, putting on something special or wearing a brighter colour, is a way to “beat the blues” and to feel energised again.
Rather than fashion, it’s about the small choices that show we still matter to ourselves. Neglecting appearances can signal a loss of motivation or energy, a feeling of insignificance as our role or situation in life changes, a decline in self-worth, or a protective retreat from the outside world.
This doesn’t mean that anyone who throws on sweatpants is in crisis. No. But, when the pattern of what we wear is contrary to the way we usually dress, accompanied by other feelings and emotions, there might be cause for pause. Moments of neglect can be an invitation to ask: What’s really going on with me?
Clothes are not the crisis, but they can be the clue that something is not quite right. By paying attention, without judgment, we can use these outer signals to reconnect with what’s happening inside.
***
Making my peace with clothes as a litmus test for exhaustion, I try the following ways to reflect and reconnect:
Check energy, not outfit: I ask: “how much energy do I feel today?” because, often, neglected style is a signal of exhaustion rather than laziness.
Name the feeling behind the choice: I ask: “Is this for comfort, or is it for withdrawal?” Awareness is knowledge. If the choice is intentional, it’s okay, and if it is not intentional, knowledge can break the automatic cycle.
Conduct a self-intervention: I add a bright scarf or shirt to shift the mood. Even if temporary, it signals that I understand my emotions and moods.
Bring ritual back to dressing: I turn getting dressed into a small ritual of care and reconnection. Often it begins the night before as I’m deciding what to wear the next day, and to lay it out ready for the morning.
***
Rainy Day Healing blogs: “This kind of quiet, honest reflection is exactly what makes Rainy Day Healing such a special space.” Chaz. T., USA
In a world of sensory overload, Tranquility Mapping offers a gentle, creative way to reconnect with peace and calm, and recreate restorative spaces. Whether you’re seeking stillness in a busy home, serenity in a classroom, or relief in a hectic office, this guide gives you the tools to map and reshape your environment to support your well-being. Whether you have a garden, one room or an entire building to work with, this guide helps you transform your everyday spaces into sanctuaries of stillness.
Includes: Tranquility Mapping templates and examples (for home, classroom, school, and office); A Tranquility Toolkit checklist (sound, scent, sight, and texture tools); A teacher’s guide to mapping calm with students; A list of workshop questions and techniques for working with groups; Real-life inspiration based on research on peace and tranquility.
Ideal for: Anyone seeking a sensory-friendly space and a place of quietude; Teachers and educators designing calm corners for students in classrooms and learning spaces; Families, parents, and caregivers wanting to create calm for children, seniors, and all members; Therapists, coaches, and wellness professionals; Human resource personnel, office planners, and office workers reclaiming restorative spaces.
Map your way back to tranquility. Map emotional geography in real life. Feel the benefits of restorative spaces. If you have a notebook, blank paper, pencils, crayons or highlighters, and optional stickers and sticky notes, you can begin. You don’t have to wait for peace to find you. You can find it, design it, and return to it anytime. You can design the tranquility you want to feel.
Leave a Reply